Wednesday, December 14, 2005

My Christmas letter to Bill O'Reilly

Subject: tips and facts about the War on Christmas
Date: 12/14/2005 8:46:52 AM Pacific Standard Time
From: (part of email address deleted by me)


Just thought I'd check in with a dispatch from the War on Christmas©, since it appears you need help with accurate reporting. Saginaw, whom you blamed last night for banning the red and green, well, it turns out they have Christmas lights running at City Hall. So, it's hard for them to wage war on something they are currently celebrating.

Also, Target is celebrating Christmas. They have Christmas trees, cards, shirts, signs that read "Countdown to Christmas," so you might want to call your buddies at the AFA and let them know they got it wrong. My Target is full of Christmas cheer.

Furthermore, it might behoove you to think about how you are phrasing your reporting about the War on Christmas©. Christmas is a Christian (denote the word "Christ" in both words) holiday, not part of a "Judeo-Christian" heritage because, quite frankly, the Jews do not believe Jesus Christ was the son of God. They believe he was a prophet, but not the Messiah. That's alright, I believe he was, they don't, I'm sure we'll all find out when the Rapture comes. Maybe you'd also be interested to know that Hannukah, the Jewish holiday, begins on Christmas this year. This confluence has happened before, and will happen again. There are over six million Jews in this country. Are we supposed to ignore them? Are we supposed to exclude them? Your declaration of a War on Christmas© is disingenuous, because it makes it seem that the changing of December from Christmas season to the holiday season is because "secular liberals" hate Christianity. It avoids altogether the alternate possibility that perhaps these corporations (including the "ridiculous" Wal-Mart, one of the most conservative companies in the nation) is trying to be inclusive of those six million Jews, and probably the eight million Muslims who live in America as well.

I know you think the Koran is the Mein Kampf of today, and you have a terrible problem believing that Muslims are peaceful because the terrorists today are Muslim extremists. You and I are both Catholic. Do you believe the existence of the Irish Republican Army (also terrorists) means that Catholicism is an evil religion? The IRA is a Catholic organization, you know.

Considering that 88% of this nation celebrates Christmas, how is it repressed? Have we been stopped from donating to the Salvation Army? Have our churches been closed and our baby Jesuses been burned in the manger (I'm asking because you said you're looking out for him)? Has anyone thrown us in jail for saying Merry Christmas? I think not.

I have my Christmas tree with my Christmas ornaments and my Christmas gifts for my children, who attend a Christian school. No one has stopped us from any of that, which surprises me, because you keep telling me we're in a war. There's a real war going on right now, a war in Iraq, a war that deserves the attention because our soldiers are dying in greater numbers because our leaders have been bungling the tactical and strategic aspects, yet you focus your attention on a war that you've helped make up, meaning the only blood you've shed for your country is the paper cut you got from your "Talking Points."

So, declare the War on Christmas© over, and return to shouting down guests and dodging guests who'd be happy to come on your show and debate you.

Merry Christmas, Grinch


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