Sunday, January 01, 2006

Looking back....and forward

The new year. Time for reflections, thoughts, wishes, hopes, resolutions, all sorts of new possibilities, and some wistfulness on my part.

As I look back, I realize that I did alright. I lost some friends, found some old ones, and made some major messes in my relationship. I began the year by almost losing Kristi, then proposing 12 days later (and getting a yes) and ended it by tucking her into bed, sick as can be. I graduated from the University of Michigan, a wish that seemed unthinkable, and yet came true.

I moved to Southern California to start a new life with Kristi and the kids, and now am on the precipice of finally getting a job in the media field.

I look forward to this year as a time to begin the career that I spent years working for, and while it's a detour from what I really want, it's not a bad start, and it's experience that I can take anywhere. It will allow me to pay off old debt, save money for a wonderful wedding, and make a better life for my new family. I look forward to helping forment political change in the nation. I look forward to new ideas and challenges.

I'm amazed at how some things stick with you. Two years ago, I felt pretty down and out, and the same music I loved then is still my favorite music. I mutated from a hard rock and metal lover to an emo/punk fan. Something Corporate, The Ataris and Green Day are getting played over and over again as they have for so long. BTW, I hope that Andrew McMahon, SoCo's lead singer, recovers from his leukemia. His voice is wonderful, and how many people play piano in punk?

I'm also amazed at how some things get shook off. I barely go out anymore. Sometimes it sucks, but the majority of the time I don't even notice. I've thrown my energy into other things, and I know the day will come when I can get out more again. It is true, though, what the Ataris sing in "In This Diary," so much so that it was a headline for my last issue as editor-in-chief of the UMD paper, "Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up."

I miss a lot of things. I'm in no way miserable, but I miss friends and family back home, and I kind of miss school. I miss the paper, something that will abate if I get this new job, hopefully. I miss partying, and late nights doing nothing and everything all at once, but I have something so fulfilling in raising two children who call me daddy, including one who looks and acts like me so much that I could've concieved him myself (sadly, I didn't) and nurturing a relationship with a wonderful woman in Kristi. It gets rocky, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I love her, and any pangs for my old life would end once I would have to actually live it.

It's 2006. Here's to the night, the new year, the days and weeks ahead, the love and life that will go on. It's gonna be my year.


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